“Am I just not good enough?“. How often have we questioned our self-worth on a daily basis? And when you’re exposed to social media where all your friends are portrayed in their best self, you start questioning your life, or rather the lack of one.
While it’s true that people suffering from social anxiety are associated with insecurity, the fact is every living human being feels insecure at some points in their life. One of my extremely outgoing friends admits to being insecure when he was a child.
Insecurity is not exclusive to people with social anxiety, or those perceived as introverted. So, what exactly are the causes of our insecurity?
“Why Do I Feel Insecure?”
Have you ever asked what causes your insecurity? What are the reasons that prompted you to judge yourself as less worthy compared to others? Often, we’re tricked by our mind and shortchanged ourselves against others.
1. Humiliating Childhood Experience
Have you been told that you’re simply not good enough when you’re a child? Or being compared to your siblings and made to feel inferior?
The human mind is both mysterious and powerful. These negative experiences are often stored in your subconscious mind and manifested itself later in life. This means that you may have no strong account of what happened, but your subconscious shaped your thoughts and emotions years or decades later.
2. Born Perfectionist
If you’re a highly competitive person and would settle for nothing less than perfection, you’ll end up as your biggest self-critic. While constructive criticism helps you to improve as a human being, being too harsh on yourself erode your self-worth.
Perfection is simply a huge price to pay for many of us. And perfection is against our nature. We’re simply not built for that. But if you force perfection, and often fell short of it, you’ll start questioning of your ability.
3. Constant Rejection
Be it interviewing for your ideal job or confessing your love to your crush, getting rejected hurts. And getting rejected twice doesn’t make it better. Some people recover well from rejection while others are traumatized by the experience.
Getting rejected doesn’t make you a lesser person, although it does feel so. That’s how you start to feel insecure about yourself.
4. Failure After Failure
You’ve often heard motivation gurus preaching that failure is the best teacher. But what if you’ve failed multiple times over and there are no lights at the end of the tunnel?
Each individual has their tolerance for failure and it’s perfectly all right. When you keep failing in life, you start perceiving yourself as a failure and that gives life to insecurity.
How To Be Less Insecure
Insecurity is a feeling that everyone can do without. It strips us of the confidence we once possessed. When you’re insecure, nothing seems to work for you. Insecurity is like a vortex of negative energy that attracts negative results.
It’s unlikely that you can get rid of insecurity completely but you can learn to deal with it the right way. Here are some tips and tricks I personally used to good effect when I’m feeling insecure.
1. Accept That It’s OK To Be Insecure
Each time you are in denial or try to push the feeling away, it only intensifies. Instead, acknowledge the insecurity that you’re feeling right now. Doing so does not make you less of who you are. It’s simply an affirmative action that allows you to turn yourself around.
2. Separate Facts From Thoughts
Your mind could have been whispering that you’re not good enough for your date. Instead of blindly accepting your thoughts, take note if there are any grains of truth in it. Does your date suggested so explicitly or does your mind conjure out webs of insecurity from ambiguous words you’ve heard?
Remember that your mind is great at playing tricks on your emotions.
3. Express Your Insecurity
You’re not perfect and it’s ok to admit that you are insecure in certain circumstances. This is extremely important for people in relationships as insecurity often leads to jealousy and betrayal if not addressed. Talk to your partner if you’re feeling insecure on certain aspects of the relationship.
Be objective rather than emotional when discussing your insecurity.
4. Be Very Good At Something Specific
If your insecurity develops from failing continuously, e.g. starting a business or competing at your favorite sports, it’s tempted to give up once and for all. Instead, niche down and be very good at one specific area in what you’re doing. It’s one of the best ways to chase off insecurity that results from failing.
5. Discover Your Identity
It’s easy to feel insecure when you’re not even sure of what you stand for. Ask yourself who you are and what’s the purpose of your existence. Stop perceiving yourself as what you do in life. You’re bigger than a programmer, clerk, driver or any profession that makes you a living. Instead, start questioning how many lives of others have you touches positively.
Help others even when you feel you have nothing to offer. The result is an empowering energy that melts off insecurity and a new purposeful identity.
6. Remove Your Limiting Subconscious Beliefs
When your insecurity is products of your subconscious beliefs, you’ll need to rewire your mind. These beliefs exist because of your past experiences and have been deeply rooted for years or decades. Psychotherapies like CBT or hypnotherapy helps in reprograming your mind to behave differently.
Final Thoughts
I’ve never tasted failure for the first 3 decades of my life. Then the life that I was familiar with was taken away in a blink. I’ve gone through mental ordeals and questioned my self-worth. But I’ve managed to work myself out of my insecurities to rebuild my life.
Do I still feel insecure at present? Definitely. But I stop listening to my thoughts and live with my new found self-esteem.
Do you suffer from insecurity? Why do you feel insecure? Share your best tips to overcome insecurity in the comment below.
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